Anticipation

It is said that we get just as much, if not more, pleasure anticipating something as we do when we get it. So much of our life is spent waiting. We are time-driven animals, always looking for the next good thing to come along. Do you think a spider really waits for a fly to come along into its web? I think, rather, that it just exists in a state of non-waiting, perfectly content just to exist. Then, when the fly comes, he deals with it. You might think by its excited behavior when you come home that your pet has been waiting for you all day. But if you secretly videotaped him will you were out, you would probably see a very peaceful animal, content just to be.

But we humans are in a constant state of waiting. Right now in my life, I'm waiting for about a dozen things to happen. I am under the delusion that when these things happen, I will be somehow happier. In truth, I will gain some happiness, but will already be looking for the next big thing to come along. Then I will be happier still.

I have submitted two pieces of art to a juried competition, and am waiting to see if I will get in. If I do, I will then wait to see if I've won any prize, and wait to see if my work sells. If it sells, I will wait to see if one particular piece, an intricately cut piece of paper, will help me get into a gallery that has expressed interest in these pieces. This will put me in the state of waiting to see if my work gains any attention, and if so, if I can parlay that into a broader part of my art career, enabling me to make more income and possibly leave my current job, which is not very fulfilling, and take part-time work somewhere. Then I will wait for my career to blossom so that I can get more recognition and apply for a teaching position somewhere. So much waiting.

In music, I am waiting for my good friend and musical partner, Bob Elliott, to finish one particular song which will be on our next album, "Dreamtown." Most of the recording had been finished a while ago, but Bob had some remodeling to do on their house, plus he had to go back to his teaching job, plus plan his mom's 75th birthday party and some other pressures. So I had to wait. He rewrote a complete lyric (for the better) and now I'm waiting for him to send me the data so I can record my harmony vocals. Then I'll send it back to him and he'll do the mixing and mastering, which I'll wait for some more. Then when he sends the completed CD, I'll take it in to get it duplicated and have the artwork printed and the jewel cases put together. More waiting. Then we have to distribute it. We have no real plan for this, but we want to get it out to as many people as possible, because it's the best music we've ever done, and we've done a lot of music. Then we'll have to wait for people's responses.

I've also been sending in a lot of music to publishers, and people who license music for TV, film, and advertising. Still waiting for responses. Some of them say to wait four to six months before they'll get back to you. By then, I will have forgotten what I'm waiting for. I've also recently signed with Renegade Music Marketing, who will plug my songs for the same industry. They guarantee 50 solicited plugs - that is, people have to request music from them - a year. Something's bound to come from all this waiting.

I've also been waiting for an editor to read and make notes on one of my stories. Finally that waiting is over. She got back to me, loved the story, and made a lot of very poignant notes on how to make things better. Now I'm waiting for a workshop that I'm taking with author Nancy Kress in November. I'm waiting to see if she likes what I wrote and provides any connections or ideas that would help me publish.

I'm waiting for so many things to happen so that I can build a different kind of scaffold on which to hang my life's work. I'm waiting to be out of my unfulfilling job and spending more of my energy creating art - visual art, music, and writing. While I wait, I'm doing what I can. I'm painting, I'm writing, I'm composing and recording. I guess like the farmers of old, you wait for your crops to grow - you can't do otherwise. You pull the weeds and water. You do the work you have to. Hopefully come harvest time, you can celebrate the bounty.

I have so much more to say - but you'll just have to wait.