Some Thoughts on Money

Money is a funny subject to me. It's rarely on my mind, and I rarely have any to speak of. But lately, it has been on my mind because I've been trying to raise it for a musical project of mine which is the pinnacle of my life's creative output. If I had money, any at all, I would just pay for the reproduction of this CD and that would be that.  And many of my moneyed friends may be wondering why I don't just do that. But I live paycheck to paycheck - no savings, no investments. I live quite happily, mind you. Money, it is true, does not buy happiness - but the rest of that axiom should say it doesn't preclude it either. In fact, money and happiness are independent of one another. There are happy rich and happy poor. There are unhappy rich and poor as well. I feel the most pity for the unhappy rich. The unhappy poor may still have hope.

Someone once told me to think of money as energy - you produce a product or do a service in which you expend energy - you get energy back in the form of money. The energy expended by a CEO probably does not equal the money she or he gets back. And the energy expended by a teacher certainly does far exceed the money he or she gets back. The universe is not interested in fairness. Apparently, neither is society. I make about $27,000 a year. I know there is some kind of taboo about saying this publicly, but I've never been afraid of the truth, and that's the truth. I have no idea how much my friends or family make, but one friend to whom I disclosed my salary acted embarrassed for me. Somehow, I get by - somehow we all do. I feel like there are those who make $80,000 a year who probably still think there just getting by.

I know that if I were making that kind of money, I would be a much more philanthropic person. That seems like a fortune to me. I couldn't spend all that money, and I don't believe in saving for a rainy day. I believe in helping others. Of course, if I had kids I would think differently. Everything might go towards their care, education and well-being. But as it is, I don't have to think about where my money goes. I don't have much say in the matter. I owe $70,000 in student loans, but thanks to income-based repayment I pay a low monthly payment and should have it paid off when I'm about 140 years old. Then there's the usual rent, utilities, groceries, gas, and the like. That eats up the rest. So every paycheck I start out at about zero.

I do occasionally sell a painting, but for the 35 years of energy I put into them, I should be asking an awful lot more for them. Sometimes I sell a piece which I'm not that attached to, though, and the energy exchange feels more equal. But it sometimes seems absurd that big name artists can ask hundreds of thousands of dollars for a wall decoration. Ultimately, that's what a painting is. But it's also a storehouse of the artist's energy and if the buyer can appreciate that energy, then that is indeed worth a lot of money. When I sell a piece and I feel the buyer appreciates my life's energy invested in it, it's almost beyond price. It's as if they're adopting a part of me. I get to live at their house and be with them through all their life's events. How can you put a value on that?

I've been paid for music many times where I've had such a good time that I feel I should be the one paying. And then there are those times where I've played to a bar full of chatty, inebriated people who couldn't care less that I'm pouring my heart into each and every song. My full energy and the energy of all my experience is then wasted and I feel like you could not pay me enough. I want an even exchange. I want to sing my life to people and I want them to take it in as if I were giving a dissertation or a testimonial. I don't need money if people really get what I'm doing.Some of my favorite performances have been sitting around campfires. But if I'm entertaining them on a more superficial level, then yeah, give me some energy back in the form of money.

I'm playing a gig next Saturday for no money. But it's going to be all my own music. Every note and word will be me talking personally to the audience, which will be peppered with friends and co-workers. I'm looking forward to it more than any gig I've ever played for just that reason. Sometimes playing for money you can feel like a prostitute. Same with selling paintings. But this will be music for the love of music. I'm hoping to do more gigs like this in the coming year. I'm ready to profess my music, not just mimic other people's songs. It goes beyond the sound, and into an area that is very personal. I know there will be people there who will not pay attention - it is a cafe, after all, and there will be people who barely notice what I'm doing. But if there's one person who gets it - one person who meets me in the field of my mind, then they will be rewarded with a lifetime's worth of energy, because that is what I put into my songs. I'll have CD's for sale for the price of a tip, but that won't be the real payment.

My energy is not stored in my money. I give money very little power. My energy is stored in my creativity and I intend to be generous with the energy I have. If only people would recognize that energy I would give it so freely. I am a rich man.